Love in All the Wrong Places
by ThisGirlOnFire
Summary: After his mother is arrested, Peeta is left with the trauma of what she did. He's afraid of women. Peeta's dad remarries to Mrs. Everdeen. Her daughter Katniss is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. She's the only girl he doesn't fear. She's the only one he can trust. Can Peeta keep his love for his new sister quiet? Or will it grow to be an inappropriate disaster? Rated M!
1. Past

**Author Note: This is my second Hunger Games story. This story is from Peeta's perspective. Check out the other story I'm currently working on at this link-**** s/9386076/1/Lost-and-Alone . I hope you enjoy this! I do not own the Hunger Games. All rights are to Suzanne Collins. **

Chapter one

I was fourteen when my mother was finally removed from my home. My dad finally divorced her for being the witch that she was. She used to beat me and my brothers when my dad was away checking on other chain bakeries. He would never know because my mother threatened to do worse on us if we ever told. I'm sure he suspected when he would come home and see us covered in bruises. We would brush it off as injuries we got from wrestling each other or falling down outside.

My mother did worse things to me when I turned ten. I was the only one and to this day none of us know why she only did it to me, but she did. She would come into my room in the middle of the night and touch me. The first time she grew frustrated that I remained soft. I don't know why she thought I wouldn't otherwise. I was young, she was my mother, and I was terrified. Did she really expect my body to react in a positive way? The next time she came into my room she brought a pill. She forced me to swallow it and then she began to touch me.

I didn't know what it was at the time, but now I know that she was giving me Viagra; forcing me to get an erection. She took my virginity at ten years old. My mother. It disgusts me to this day and I still find myself crying at night in my sleep. I'll have nightmares about her riding me to completion and slapping me every time I cried out for help or let tears fall down my cheeks. She would force me to touch her as well and afterword, when she left the room, I would crawl to the bathroom and throw up until I was heaving and sobbing.

She did this every time my father went away for four years. She did it so discreetly that my brothers never knew. One day my oldest brother, Naan, walked in on it. (He was seventeen at the time) He had been looking for his pain set, which I had borrowed a few days before. He saw me crying and was nearly beaten to death by her because he pulled her off of me. He went to the hospital because the injuries were so severe. My father came home from business straight away and the doctors told him that his injuries were obviously do to being hit repeatedly.

My father pulled my middle brother, Rye, aside and asked him what the hell had been going on. Rye, who was fifteen at the time, broke down and told him all the horrible things that had been going on. My father was disgusted at first, and then he broke down into horrible sobbing fit while he clung to Rye and I. He kept repeating over and over again how sorry he was and that he loved us. It made me smile.

My mother was arrested for abuse at first, and then later child molestation once Naan told Dad what he saw. Life was very peaceful after that. Time went by and Naan moved out on his own. My dad, Rye, and I had a happy life together and I really couldn't ask for anything more. Even though it's been three years I still grow uncomfortable around not only women but girls my age. My therapist, Dr. Aurelius says that this is due to trauma. Rye teases me about it sometimes, but deep down; it kills him to know why I'm like this.

Rye, Naan, and I all know that my dad has been dating someone. He never talks about her but we all know. We see it in the way he smiles, whistles love songs in the morning, has an extra spring in his step, goes out for a few hours every Saturday night, we know. It makes us happy to see him happy.

He currently has us all sitting around the family table for an important discussion. He walks in, and takes his time sitting down and getting comfortable for what he's about to tell us. We all look at him expectantly he takes a deep breath and begins.

"I've been seeing someone." He lets out with his exhale.

"We know." All three of us respond at the same time. Dad just laughs like that's the answer he expected.

"We got married two days ago."

This shocks all of us. That is definitely not what we were expecting.

"And you didn't invite us?" Rye laughs.

"It was a last minute; let's just go elope, kind of thing. She's currently packing up her things with her kids. They're moving in today."

I flinch. Dad notices.

"Peeta…" He starts, "She has two daughters. One of which is your age, the other is four years younger."

I try to control my rapid breathing. Three females will be permanently living under my roof in a matter of a few hours.

"Do-do I know them?" Sometimes it makes it easier if I know the people.

"No son. They're from a different town."

"Okay."

The doorbell rings.

"That's them. Peeta, are you sure you can handle meeting them right now?"

"Yeah, yeah dad. I can do it for you."

He smiles and heads to the door. We follow him as he greets a blonde women and her two daughters.

"Boys, this is Lily." He gestures to his new wife. She greets us with a warm smile, and steps aside to introduce her daughters to us.

"This is Primrose, but we all call her Prim." She gestures to the tiny thirteen year old who smiles brightly at us. She has blonde hair and deep blue eyes. She looks just like her mother.

"And this is Katniss." Instead of being met with what I expected to be blue eyes, blonde hair, and a warm smile; I am met with a bold pair of grey eyes, a brown braid, and a scowl that demonstrates the saying _if looks could kill_.

The difference in her shocks me. I feel as though I should be afraid, but I'm drawn to her.

"And this is Peeta, the youngest of my boys." My father pats me on the back. I tear my eyes away from Katniss to look at him. I hadn't even realized he was introducing us. I turn to look at Katniss again and she's eyeing me suspiciously. She's probably wondering why I'm staring at her. I quickly duck my head and stare at the ground.

I suddenly feel a pair of arms around me and I realize it's Lily. I freeze in her arms and do not return her hug. Suddenly I'm frightened and I pull away from her quickly and back into my dad, shaking. All three of the girls look confused. My dad never told Lily.

"Lily, Prim, Katniss. I'll talk to you guys in the other room. Boys, why don't you go bring their bags up to their rooms. Katniss and Prim will be sharing your old room Naan. When I step out the door I faintly hear Lily ask what's wrong, and if I don't like her. My eyes meet Katniss's eyes one more time before I walk out to the car. Her expression is cold and unreadable.

I assume that's something I'll have to get used to.

**Well there is the first chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it! Please review!**


	2. Safety

**Author Note: I do not own the Hunger Games**

Chapter two

Dinner was difficult for me. I made a point of sitting in between Rye and my dad while Lily sat beside him, followed by Prim, and then Katniss next to Rye. We all sat there at that little round table and made small talk. Naan had gone back to his house where he and his girlfriend Sarah live.

Underneath the table my palms were sweating and I was clenching them into fists to keep them from shaking. My dad had somewhat informed Lily and her daughters about me. He just told them that his past wife had physically harmed me since I could walk, and that the years of abuse went to my head. He told them that because of the trauma I do not react well around females since my mother was the only female presence in my life, and she hurt me. It was the dumbed down version of what my therapist told him and it would just have to be enough for the girls to understand.

All through dinner I caught Lily and Prim giving me really sympathetic looks. I hated it. I hated being treated like that. Katniss just looked at me curiously. She stared me down in a way that made me squirm in my seat. I made eye contact with her and held it. I've never been able to maintain eye contact with any female. I started to feel what I thought was my normal anxiety creeping up, but it felt different. It felt like a warmth was spreading through me in a way. A…A good kind of warmth.

When dinner was over I was cleaning the dishes, and tuning everything out. Just thinking of ways that I could get through this. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to look at who it was. Lily was looking at me as she moved her mouth open to say something; I jumped away from her and backed into a wall.

"Peeta, I'm not going to hurt you." She says, maintaining her distance. "I don't believe in hurting people, let alone children." She states matter-of-factly.

I just glance up at her, trying to regain my composure. I'm breathing heavily, and shaking my head vigorously. I can't handle this. I don't even know why I'm panicking. She seems like a nice enough women but she's this, motherly figure in my life now. Mothers can't be trusted. I start to yell at the top of my lungs. I don't really even think I'm saying anything. Maybe the word help, I'm not sure.

I curl into myself on the floor and put my hands over my ears, squeeze my eyes shut, and alternate between screaming and begging not to be hit. Please don't hit me. Please…Please… There are hands on me now. Familiar hands are rubbing circles in my back and trying to shush me, but I don't feel these hands. All I can feel is my mother's roaming hands on my body. Touching me, hitting me, suffocating me into silence. I can't breathe now because I'm sobbing so hard.

I open my eyes when I feel myself calming from an episode. I start to look around and determine what is real and what is not real. When I first come out of an episode like this I can't tell if my mother really is here, or if she really is gone. The doctor told me that it's okay to ask for help when I can't figure out where I am.

"My mom is hurting me, real or not real?" I ask out loud to anyone who will answer me.

"Not real." My father's voice confirms.

"She's here, real or not real?" I breathe out.

"Not real. She's locked up. She can't hurt you anymore. You're safe." He lifts me up and pulls me into a bear hug.

I calm my breathing and look around. Everyone in my family is staring at me. Prim is crying in Lily's arms, and Lily's face is that of guilt for causing me to have an episode. Rye looks to the ground cursing our mother under his breath. I finally bring my eyes to stare at Katniss. She's on her knees behind my father and is watching me closely. She's the only one besides my father who seems brave enough to be near me. Her eyes are again unreadable and her lips are pulled into a tight line, as if in worry.

Suddenly tears are prickling in my eyes, when I notice that she is shaking. I don't want her to be afraid, because for some reason I am not afraid of her. I don't know why. Maybe it's because Lily and Prim look like my mother, with their blonde hair and blue eyes. They remind me of a person I can't face, but Katniss looks different. She doesn't trigger memories that make me afraid.

A single tear falls from her eyes and I feel horrible. I feel horrible for making her afraid of me. I don't want her to be afraid of me; I want her to feel like she can trust me. She's going to be my sister, so I need to trust her as well. Before I can change my mind and let an anxiety I haven't felt for her yet creep up on me, I break away from my father's hug and crawl over to her.

She remains still. I look at her in the eyes and I see safety behind them. The first thing I'm able to read from her eyes and it's safety. I don't know what comes over me but I let my walls down and I fall into her. I wrap my arms around her and leave my head in the crook of her shoulder. I hug her as tightly as I can, and at first she hesitates, and then she holds me just as tightly.

I hear my dad and brother gasp. They have never seen me _accept_ affection from a woman I _knew_, let alone _offer_ affection to one I hardly knew _at all_. But I feel so safe wrapped in Katniss, like she wouldn't hurt me, but protect me. She's the only women where I could look in her eyes and know that I am safe from harm. I could not explain it even if I wanted to. We just continue to hold each other, and comfort each other.

"It's okay Peeta. I've got you." She says softly.

It's the first words I've heard her utter to anyone. That's how I know that there is meaning behind them.

I trust her.

**What did you think? Please review!**


	3. Joined at the Hip

**Author Note: I really hope you guys are enjoying this story. I do not own the Hunger Games!**

Chapter three

I follow Katniss around everywhere. I am so happy that I can be around a girl, that I never leave her side. It's almost as if I'm trying to make up for seventeen years of loneliness. The first couple of weeks I would drift to whatever room she was in and wait for her to wave me over to join her on the couch or to sit with her while she folded laundry, or we would cook dinner together. Eventually I learned that I didn't have to wait for her to invite me over to her, that I could just walk right up and join her because Katniss never minded.

Now I'm attached to her at the hip even outside of the house. She became my best friend, which wasn't hard since I don't have any other friends. I'm home schooled because I can't handle the stress of school. At first it was the idea of females that I feared, but then it was the idea of social interaction at all that made me afraid. It worked out well though because Katniss wasn't a very socialable person either. Sure, I was much more friendly and warm toward strangers, but all in all, I didn't want to take to them anymore than Katniss did. She was just a little more obvious and rude about it. But I like her honesty.

She takes me out to the woods every once in a while, but most of the time she'll make me wait in the meadow when she wants to hunt. She says I'm too loud and that I scare of all the game. I don't take it personally because I know she didn't mean it to be. It's worth the trip out there even if I only get to walk with her there and back. I just never want to leave Katniss.

She holds my hand when we walk through the market place because she knows that huge crowds cause me to have an episode. When she can see it in my eyes that I'm about to slip away she squeezes my hand to bring me back. It works every time. She's my safety net.

My days are really long and lonely when she's as school. I begged her to homeschool with me but she just waved me off and said she had to get out of the house every once in a while. I asked her if she just needed to get away from me for a little while and her eyes grew huge and she pulled me into a hug and whispered, "Absolutely not. I miss you every second I'm gone. You're my best friend." I smile really huge the rest of the day and wouldn't even let go of her hand while we ate dinner. She didn't mind. She never minds.

Our new family has been together for three months now. Christmas is just around the corner and it puts Katniss in a really good mood, which puts me in a really good mood, which puts my dad in a really good mood, and when he's in a good mood, Lily is in a good mood, and that makes Prim in a good mood. Rye is never in a good mood.

The whole family is sitting in the living room watching television tonight. I'm sitting near the end of the couch and Katniss is sprawled out on my lap with her back to the arm of the couch and her head on my shoulder. My arms are around her and I'm happy. I tickle her side and she twitches with a quick laugh. So I do it again a little longer now and she's squirming on my lap laughing and yelling for me to stop. When I do, she sticks her tongue out at me and tickles me back and it hurts but I keep laughing.

I beg for her to stop and eventually she does. We curl back up with each other and notice everyone is staring at us, and not the tv.

"What?" We both ask at the same time. "Jinx!" We call, again, at the same time.

"You two are something else." Rye states. "Why aren't you that sisterly to me Kat?"

"Or me?" Prim also questions, teasingly.

"Maybe I just like Peeta best." She states matter-of-factly. I stick my tongue out at them.

"Well we all know that Peeta likes you best. Which still shocks me." Rye says to Katniss.

"I'm amazed at the friendship you two have." My dad tells me. "I have to say, I never saw it coming, but I'm so glad for it."

Katniss and I just smile at each other. We really have grown close. We even finish each other's sentences, or state what the other is thinking to someone before they can answer for themselves, and we can communicate with just a look. It's a friendship that we both have always wanted, and we're glad for each other.

"Come on Peeta, let's go read our book." She grabs my hand and we walk to my room.

She releases my hand and picks up our latest book, The Great Gatsby. We crawl into my bed and cuddle up together as we take turns reading. We've only gotten through two chapters before Katniss starts to nod off. I set the book down and tell her that she's falling asleep and should get to her room. She ignores me and cuddles into my side. I reach and turn the lamp off and go to move out the bed to sleep on the floor but she pulls me back to her.

"Stay with me." She says.

I look at her and my heart tugs. I admire this girl and I would do anything for her. So I lean back down, cuddle against her and whisper, "Always."

* * *

When I wake up we are mass of tangled limbs. I look at Katniss who has her mouth wide open on the pillow and is drooling a little bit. I laugh out loud and that seems to startle her awake. She looks at me and notices that I'm laughing at her.

"What?" She demands.

"You- looked- so- stupid!" I managed to get out in-between fits of laughter. At first she's offended and then she starts laughing with me and playfully punches my arm.

My laughter stops immediately. She looks at me and can tell I'm about to go into an episode. It was the playful punch. It sparked memories of my mother hitting me and I begin to fold into myself. Katniss presses herself to me to prevent me from doing so. She pulls me to her so tightly that I started thrashing around in her arms and hitting her to get her off of me. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I'm powerless to stop them. I'm trying to fight with my head. Trying to tell it that Katniss is not my mother. I don't hate Katniss. I don't hate her.

Katniss starts to smooth the hair on the back of my head and whispers, "Not real." Over and over again. I want to come back to Katniss. I want to put my arms around her. So I begin to stop fighting against her body and just relax into it. I take calming breaths and I start to see Katniss's face clearly again. She can tell I'm coming back to her because my pupils aren't dilated.

"Peeta?" She calls my name, as if to ask me if I'm back.

"Katniss." I sigh and press my forehead to hers.

She holds me as tightly as she can get me. I know she wants to tell me not to do that to her again. I know she hates it when I do. It frightens her. But she never says the words, because she knows that I can't help it. That I am the way I am. She knows that I'm broken and she still sticks around. She'll never leave me. She'll never hurt me. That I am certain of.

"Peeta, can I ask you something?" She says, never removing her forehead from mine.

"You just did." I laugh.

"No shit." She scoffs.

"You can ask me anything in the world." I state. She looks into my eyes, but keeps her face close.

"Why me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you still flinch every time my mom or Prim touch you, but you've been able to be so close to be since day one?"

"That's a good question."

"I thought so." She smiles.

"At first, I thought it might be because Prim and Lily have the same physical features as my mother. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin. I thought it was easier to be around you because you were the opposite. Dark hair, grey eyes, olive skin."

"I take after my father." She tells me sadly.

"Whatever happened to him?"

"That's another story for another time, but I want you to finish answering my questions."

I laugh. "Okay. Well, then I realized that I still can't be around other women who have opposite features of my mother. I can only be close to you. You're the only one that can touch me, and that touch calms me. It doesn't make me tense up and go into a panic attack. It instantly relaxes me. I don't know why, and I wish I knew why. I damn near hurt my head thinking about every day. All I know is that when I look into your eyes, I know that I'm safe."

"I feel the same way."

"Maybe we were made to be best friends." I laugh.

"Totally and completely and forever." She boasts.

"You're mine." I say and snuggle into her.

"And you're mine."

"I didn't have any nightmares last night." I tell her. Everyone in the house knows that I have nightmares every night. I could wake up the whole house with my screaming.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. You must keep me safe in my sleep as well."

"I'm pretty good at this stuff." She smirks.

"Well don't get cocky about it." I tease her.

"Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"What did your mother do to you?"

"Didn't my father tell you?"

"He only told me that she used to hit you a lot. But I keep feeling like there is more to it than that." She admits.

"Oh. Well. Do you really want to know?"

"Yes." She whispers.

"Yes, she would beat me. Every time my father went away. Which you know is about a week out of each month. She would beat us with rolling pins, wooden spoons, pans, and her hands. Anytime me or my brothers messed up in the slightest, she would hit us until we nearly blacked out. It was like that for as long as I can remember. She treated me the worst though, usually taking out her frustrations on me. In more than just… hitting." I trail off.

"What do you mean more than just hitting?" Katniss asks, placing her hand on my cheek and forcing me to look at her. Tears were flowing down my cheeks.

"She would come into my bed room at night and force me to swallow a pill that made me get an erection. She would touch me and then she would… she would fuck me. And make me touch her all over when she did so. I was ten when she started. She did this for four years."

"Oh Peeta." Katniss says and pulls me to her. She's shushing my sobs as best she can. "No wonder you're traumatized. That's just awful." Suddenly Katniss turns from sympathetic to full out pissed. "I fucking swear if I ever see that women I'll kill her." She insists.

I smile at her. She would do anything for me. Just like I would do anything for her.

"You're my best friend. Real or not real?" I tell her.

"Real. Always real."

**What do you guys think? Please review! Things get a little spicy in the next chapter.**


	4. I'll Give You the Moon

**Author Note: I am so glad you guys are enjoying this story. If I'm being honest I'm enjoying this one so much more than my other one! Keep on reviewing! I get so excited every time I have a new one to read. I do not own the Hunger Games. **

Chapter four

Katniss has a new boyfriend.

Lately he is all she can talk about. Gale this and Gale that. _Gale can hunt Peeta. Gale taught me about all these new snares I can use. Gale and I went swimming in the lake yesterday. Gale kissed me for the first time Peeta! Can you believe it? _

I hate Gale.

Thanks to him I barely ever get to see Katniss anymore and I miss her. I've been so bored that I'm begging my dad to give me more hours in the bakery. It's during one of these shifts that Katniss and I share, when she informs that she is going to bring Gale over for Christmas Eve dinner. She thinks it's a good idea if she properly introduces him to the family.

I think it's a terrible idea.

"I don't know Katniss," I start. "You've only dated the guy, what, two weeks?"

"Three." She corrects.

"Oh, pardon me, _three_ weeks. Shouldn't you make sure it's going to last before you go around introducing him to the family?"

"Gale and I are going to be together for a really long time. I can just sense it." She smiles brightly. I bite my lip to keep from groaning in frustration.

"Fine, but I'm getting the protective older brother speech." I insist.

"Peeta shut up. You're what, two months older than me? Shouldn't we leave that to Rye? You can have the 'If you hurt my best friend I'll kill you' speech."

"Why does Rye get to have the brother speech."

She drops the spoon she's using to stir the cake batter and stares off into space.

"I don't know." She says slowly. "I guess… I guess I never thought of you as my brother. I don't mean that to be offending."

I'm not offended, because the truth is I've never thought of Katniss like a sister.

"Alright, Rye can have it." I agree.

"Good! This is going to be so exciting!"

Yeah… I can't wait.

* * *

On Friday we all dressed up in our nicest clothes and get ready for our big family Christmas Eve dinner. This will be the first one as the Mellark/Everdeen duo. I would be exited if Gale wasn't coming over. I really don't want to meet the guy who is taking my Katniss away from me. I knock on Katniss's door so I can talk to her about how I've been feeling.

"Come in!"

"Hey, Katniss, I need to tal-" Katniss turns around from her mirror and is standing before me in a knee length dress that hugs her body and accents her curves. It's a bold red that stands out on her skin tone. There are flecks of orange jewels covering the bottom that make it look like she's on fire. Her hair is down and flowing in beautiful waves, and she is even wearing makeup. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." I tell her.

"Thank you Peeta, you're not so bad yourself." She blushes. I love it when I make her blush.

"No Katniss really," I walk over to her and twirl a piece of her hair in my fingers before brushing it behind her ear. "You're stunning."

"Peeta…" She starts. Are faces are very close. We've been this close before, If not closer, but it's never felt like this. The proximity has never made my body tingle with excitement. I start to think that maybe it's because I miss her. But as her lips inch closer to mine, I know that this isn't the case. I feel an over whelming desire to kiss her. Are lips all but brush when the doorbell rings.

Katniss jumps back from me flustered, and races from the room to go greet Gale. I go out into the living room where everyone is saying their hellos to Gale. Gale looks Katniss up and down in a seductive way that makes my skin crawl.

"Wow Catnip. You look hot." He tells her, and she coughs uncomfortably.

"Beautiful." I correct.

"What?" He looks at me.

"She looks beautiful."

"What's the difference?" He says. Is he joking?

"One is a compliment, and one is disrespectful and degrading." I stare him down.

"So who's ready for dinner?" Lily squeals, breaking the tension.

Everyone begins to make their way into the dining area and I take my rightful spot next to Katniss. Gale sits down to her left and she shoots me a warning look to play nice.

Dinner passes through with tension. At least I know my muscles were clenched the whole time. All I kept focusing on was Gale reaching for Katniss's hand and her snapping it away every time. I know that she doesn't want to display her relationship in front of her family like that, but Gale doesn't seem to get the message.

Everything that comes out of his mouth is arrogant. He talks about the military a lot and how he wants to join because he feels so strongly about protecting his country. I'm about ready to stab my ears out by the time he leaves and Katniss shuts the door behind him. He tried to go in for a kiss goodbye but she turned her head quickly so it landed on her cheek. That's my Katniss, not one for public displays of affection.

Rye and Prim chuckle and Lily tightens her lips in a fine line. My dad's face is expressionless.

"I don't like him." I finally say.

"Peeta! You barely gave him a chance!"

"Look, I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking."

"Really?" Katniss looks at everyone. Everyone but Prim nods.

"I kinda like him." Prim offers.

"You like everyone little duck." Katniss sighs.

"If he makes you happy then that's all that matters." My dad says.

Katniss stomps up the stairs frustrated. I follow her, like I always do.

"What's wrong Kat?"

"I don't want to date someone my family doesn't like." She huffs.

"Then don't."

"But I like him. Shouldn't that count for something? I mean, it's my relationship after all." She says crawling into bed. I crawl in after her and take her hand.

"He treats you like an object Katniss. You deserve better than that."

"Maybe I don't." She mumbles into her pillow. I pull her face to look at me.

"Don't you ever say that. You're beautiful, brave, smart, honest, bold, caring, and daring. Everything about you is what's good in this world. Any guy should be lucky to deserve your affection and should offer you the moon in return."

"No guy would ever offer me the moon."

_I would. _I think to myself.

"Just you wait, someone will come alone and sweep you off your feet before you know it."

"I think I like Gale because in my heart I feel like my father would like him."

"You never did tell me about him."

She sighs and lays her head on my chest.

"My dad loved to hunt. He's the one who taught me how. He made my very first bow and arrows and I still use them to this day. He taught me how to swim, and how to ride a bike. He was kind to everyone that he met, making sure he took his time to greet every last one of them. People used to say that his voice was so captivating, that when he sang even the birds stopped to listen. He had a huge passion in everything that he did and talked about. It made listening to his stories fascinating." Katniss is smiling wider than I've ever seen.

"What happened to him?" I ask.

"He used to work in the mines back where we used to live. When I was eleven he went to work and never came back. Mine explosion." She keeps her face expressionless. "It was the most devastating day of my life."

"I'm sorry." I bring her closer to me and kiss her cheek.

"He would have liked you too you know."

"You think?"

"Yeah, you have some pretty endearing qualities." She laughs.

When she falls asleep lying next to me that night, I stare out the window. It's a full moon tonight and it's almost as beautiful as her, and I can't help but think about how I would love to give that moon to her.

**I hope none of you are Gale lovers because I hate him. So next chapter… he's not the best person in the world(; Who's dying for a little kiss between the best friends? I know I am! Review! **


	5. Realization

**Author Note: If you like Gale then you'll hate this chapter. Sorry, but I'm a die-hard Peeniss Everlark lover! This chapter is rated M for suggestions of rape. I do not own the Hunger Games.**

Chapter five

Gale is over again today. Katniss and he have been dating for about a month and a half now. She brings him over ever Sunday, convinced that he'll grow on the rest of the family. She brings him on Sunday's because it's the only day that everyone has off from work, including Gale. He comes over for a family lunch and then they both disappear into her room to watch movies.

I'm doing what I do every Sunday. Sitting outside of her door. I don't like to be apart from Katniss at all, let alone when Gale is over. She doesn't know that I do this and I intend to keep it that way. I'll usually just sit casually and sketch things like the meadow, or the forest, or her. Sometimes I'll draw out my nightmares because it's the only way to get them out of my head.

Katniss has been really frustrated and upset lately, so I decide to draw her a picture of her father. Lily gave me a photo of him so I could know what he looks like. Katniss really does look a lot like him.

I asked her what's been bothering her but she refuses to tell me. So I went to Prim to ask her what was the matter a few days ago.

"Prim, what's been bothering Katniss lately?" I ask her while we set the table.

"I don't think I'm supposed to tell you."

"Why not?"

"Katniss doesn't want you to know because she knows how protective of her you are, and she didn't want you to worry."

"Well now I have to know." I press.

Prim settles down on the other side of the table, careful to keep her distance from me. Even after three months I still have a little trouble with close contact around Lily and her. But at least now I can have a normal conversation.

"Apparently Gale has been… pressuring her."

"Pressuring her? What do you mean?" I panic.

"As in, he keeps pushing sex on her."

"WHAT!"

"Peeta, calm down. This is why she didn't want you to know."

"Has he tried to physically push it on her?" I calm my voice, but I'm still seething.

"As far as I know, he only pushes it in conversation when she stops him from putting his hand places she doesn't want it."

"Do mom and dad know?" I've taken to calling Lily mom because that's what she is. My real mother was never a mom, Lily is what a mom should be.

"God no. Katniss would never tell them those things."

"Thanks for telling me, Prim." I say as I start to walk away.

"Peeta?" She calls after me.

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid."

"I won't."

"Promise me." She insists.

So I walk over to her and squeeze her hand for a moment.

That's how she knows I mean it.

I replay that conversation with Prim in my head and it makes me angry all over again. I stare daggers into the door. If I had my way I would go in there and tell Gale to never come back. But I respect what Katniss wants, and right now, he's what she wants.

"Gale stop." I hear Katniss say through the door.

My head shoots up and I set my drawings to the side. I focus fully on the door and tune in my ears.

"Gale, I said stop." She presses.

I get to my feet, prepared.

"Shut up Katniss, I know you want this." Gale says in a low voice.

"No, I fucking don't. I'm not ready, get off of me!" Katniss yells at him.

"Shut the fuck up Katniss!" Gale yells.

"PEET-" She begins shouting my name when I hear a hard slap and Katniss yelp in pain.

That's it. I slam the door open, infuriated. Gale is on top of Katniss with his hand over her mouth and his hand forcing its way down her pants. He jumps off of her at the sight of me and Katniss has tears pouring down her face. Suddenly I am reminded of my mother being on top of me and I feel myself slipping into an episode.

I grab Gale and slam him to the ground and just start punching him in the face, over and over again. In my head I'm seeing my mother and with every punch the weight she's put on my head for years lightens. Suddenly I'm able to see clearly. When Gale's bloody face comes back into view I freeze my movements. I grab him by the collar of his shirt so his face is level with mine.

"I want you to get up, walk out the door, go down the stairs, leave, and never come back. I want you to live the rest of your life thinking about today, and how you almost raped the most important person in my life. You should be disgusted with yourself. Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you can just destroy someone like that and have it be okay? You're disgusting. It's people like you that don't even deserve to live. You're the scum of the Earth. Thinking you can just have whatever you want? YOU FUCKING CAN'T! YOU CAN'T TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT FROM PEOPLE! WHEN SOMEONE SAYS NO, YOU STOP! IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT PEOPLE THAN NEVER COME BACK HERE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON'T YOU EVER GO NEAR KATNISS AGAIN OR I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" I yell in his face.

I give him one last punch and then I drop him back to the ground and stand. I walk over to Katniss and stand in front of her, shielding her. Gale just kind of lies there on the ground moaning in pain.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I yell at him.

He finally crawls out the door and disappears around the corner. I duck my head out of the bedroom to see him struggling down the stairs. I come back to a sobbing Katniss and crawl under the covers with her. I pull her to me and just start kissing all her tears away as they run down her cheeks.

"Th-Th-Thank y-you" Katniss gets out between sobs.

I just pull her closer to me and rub soothing circles on her back.

Eventually, we both drift off to sleep.

* * *

When I wake up the first thing I see are grey eyes. The room is pitch black and I know that it must be the middle of the night. I look over at Prim's bed and notice she's not there. She must have gone to sleep in my room when she saw Katniss and I in here. Sometimes Prim just knows when we need to be left alone. She's intuitive like that.

When I look back at Katniss I realize she's still staring at me.

"How long have you been up?" I ask her.

"An hour or so."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked so peaceful." She sighs.

"Why were you staring at me?"

"I just never realized how beautiful you are." She blushes so hard I can see it in the dark.

"Oh- I- uh.." I don't really know what to say.

"Peeta?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for today. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't come when you did."

"If I'm going to be honest, I was right outside the door the whole time."

"What? Why?" She asks. shocked.

"I didn't trust him, and I don't know, I'm just really protective of you." I say, my eyes downcast.

"Peeta," She lifts my chin up so my eyes meet hers. "What does that mean?"

"What does what mean?" I asked confused.

"Why are you so protective of me?"

"You're my best fri-" I start.

"No, it's more than that. I know it and you know it."

I don't really know what to say to that. I mean, I do feel a lot towards her. I just don't really know what the feelings I have mean. I have no experience about girls since, before Katniss, I was never around one longer than ten minutes.

I'm trying to sort through what it is that my heart keeps telling me when Katniss kisses my hand. I look up at her then and she kisses my arm, then my shoulder, then my neck, followed by my cheek. When her eyes meet mine again, she inches toward me even closer. Our faces are so close that are noses touch. She glides her nose against mine and I shutter. Not because I'm cold, but because of the electric current that just ran through my body.

I brush my lips against hers, in experimentation, and I feel that feeling again. It makes my heart squeeze and skip a beat. Slowly, we bring our lips together. Once they touch I lose all sense of thought. All sense of rationalization. All sense of fear. All sense of doubt. I know what it is I feel toward Katniss, and it isn't friend or family related. I feel passion toward her. I feel desire. I think I might even feel love.

When her lips begin to move on mine I lose myself in it. I wrap my arms around her waist and bring her closer, as close as I can get her. Her hands move to my hair and she pulls my face toward hers. I run my tongue along her lips because, like some instinct, it's what my body is telling me I should do. She moans and opens her mouth to me. I grow bolder and experiment with my tongue. It moves from my mouth and hesitates along her lips. She brings hers to meet mine, and the second they touch, I swear fireworks go off in my head. Out of no where my tongue is attacking hers. We're moving them together in a fight for dominance.

I need to be closer to her. Lying side by side isn't doing it for me. So I get on top of her and rest my waist between her thighs. When all of my weight falls on her she whimpers. I thought it was because I was crushing her, so I quickly put my weight on my elbows on either side of her. This was not why she was whimpering because she pulls me back down fully on top of her and attacks my mouth with hers again.

Nothing else in the world seemed to matter. Everything from my mind disappeared, and it's if all I know in the world is her body, her lips, and her moans. All I know is this sensation. All I know is how to feel, something I never once knew. Now it was all that filled my mind, my body and soul, my being. Nothing in world mattered at all, nothing outside of this bed had a purpose. For all I knew the sun would never rise. Not when I had finally been able to give her the moonlight.

She pulled away abruptly and looked into my eyes.

"Peeta, I need you." She pleaded.

"I'm here Katniss, I'm always here."

"No. I don't need you as a best friend, or a step brother, or anything other than your heart. Peeta I need your heart because you've taken mine."

These words set me back. What does that mean, what does it all mean? She answered me, as if she could read my thoughts.

"It means that I think- I think I'm falling in love with you, and that's not something I do. I don't fall in love. I swore I would never give my heart to anyone because it can kill you from the inside out. It's dangerous. So please Peeta, don't let me break. Don't let me die. Just give me your heart in return."

A silent tear rolls down her face, and it's that moment when I realize I could never deny her anything. I may not be entirely sure what love is, but I think that's what I feel for her. It's the only word I can use to describe this immense pull I feel toward her. This gravitational pull. This safety. This desire. So without hesitation I tell her, "You have my heart. Now, forever, and always."

**So what did you think!? Please review and let me know your thoughts!**


	6. Regret

**Author Note: So there are some things that I apparently need to address. I received a review by someone who basically just told me how disgusting he found this story because of incest. **

**1) Incest is the legal way of forbidding relationships between blood relation. Katniss and Peeta are step brother and sister. They are in no way related. **

**2) Sure, it may be creepy if they thought of each other as brother and sister, but I specified in my writing that they in no way ever thought of each other in that way. They only thought of each other as friends. **

**3) They have only been step siblings for what, a few months? They weren't even raised together for 17 years. They're practically grown and almost adults. In no way are they even thought of as brother and sister. They're just two people, living under the same roof.**

**So to clear that up, this is not incest, nor is it even close to incest.**

**Also, I never said this story was AU. It probably is OOC but I just started writing and went with it. So I never told you it was AU, that was just some people assuming things. **

**I just needed to get this out there, and if you didn't want your comments addressed, you shouldn't have reviewed them.  
So this is me, addressing them and clearing it up.**

**I'm sorry if you don't like my story, but honestly it's not my problem and all you have to do is stop reading it. **

**Thank you. **

**I do not own the Hunger Games. **

Chapter six

I knew that last night would end in regret. The problem is that I thought the regret would come from my side, since Katniss initiated the whole thing. So far since I woke up alone this morning, that's exactly how I spend the day. She avoided me at breakfast, making a point of just grabbing a granola bar and heading to school. Then she didn't come home for lunch, and she always comes home for off campus lunch on Monday's.

During dinner she said she didn't feel well and went up to her room to sleep. I don't really understand why she's avoiding me because she's the one that opened up to me first. This is why I can't trust women. This is what they do. They manipulate you and hurt you for their own personal sick enjoyment.

I should have known that they're all the same. I should have known that Katniss wasn't different from the rest. But this time I'm not going to let the woman control me. No, I'm fucking sick of that. They think they can just toss me around like a puppet, well they're wrong.

I march right up the stairs and bang on Katniss's door. She opens it with a blank expression on her face, almost as if she looks defeated. Good. I beat her at her own game. I open my mouth to start screaming at her. Tell her that she's just like the rest of them, a cold-hearted self centered bitch, but when she starts crying I falter.

"I'm so sorry Peeta." She whispers.

I didn't expect that.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you all day it's just, I don't deal with my feelings well. I never have. I think the shock of yesterday with Gale overwhelmed me with emotion and I just wasn't thinking when I told you those things. I wasn't ready to tell you those things. My mother fell apart when my father died and I swore on his grave that I would never fall in love. I would never let what happened to my mother happen to me. I've lived by that rule for six years. Sure, I had a boyfriend or two, but I knew I didn't love them and I knew I never would. They were a safe bet that I wouldn't fall. That I wouldn't crumble. That I wouldn't disappear like my mother. I wanted to stay strong, to always stay strong. And then you come along and you're all charming and sweet, you're handsome and stunning, you're kind and generous, and you're broken, just like me. You know what I'm thinking and you protect me and do what you think is best for me. I should hate you for making me love you." Katniss falls to her knees, truly defeated.

"Katniss..."

"Don't Peeta. Just don't. Maybe it's for the best. I mean, mom and you're dad would freak if they ever found out we were together. I mean, not that it matters, I can make my own decisions. I know fate brought our parents together in the same way that it brought you and I together, but I don't think that I can handle us being together. If you ever left me... I don't know what I would do."

"I would never leave you." I tell her as I join her on the ground.

"Yes you could Peeta! You could die! You could leave me by dying!" She yells.

"Well I don't plan on dying."

"Nobody plans on it Peeta. My father never walked out the door intending on not coming back." Her voice cracks at the end.

"Sometimes you have to take risks Katniss. I'm sure your mother wouldn't trade a second of her time with your father. Even if it meant she would never feel that pain she felt. Sometimes we need to experience the pain Katniss, we can't just avoid it our whole lives. Pain shapes us into who we are as people. What my mother did to me was awful, and I wish it would have never happened, but in away it made me who I am. Someone who couldn't hurt a fly, someone who takes a step back and appreciates life, someone who lives in the moment, and it brought me to you. Everything in life happens for a reason, and when opportunities present themselves, you have to take them Katniss. You have to take them, embrace them, and grow from them."

"Since when are you so wise?" She chuckles, leaning into my embrace. I just laugh in response.

"Our parents can't know." She says.

"Why not?"

"I don't think they would take it well. I think it's best that Prim and Rye don't know either."

"How can a relationship grow from that?" I question her.

"Is that what this is? Are we taking that step?"

"I want too." I say, kissing her cheek.

"Well, then we have to have a private relationship. And if this thing we have is strong enough to last until we both move out of the house and start our own lives, then so be it. We'll finally let them know, and there won't be anything they can do about it because we'll be our own people making our own choices by then." She states matter-of-factly.

"Just don't pull away from me again. It made me relapse." I confess.

"What do you mean you relapsed?" She asks, suddenly fully alert and concerned.

"Well, I was finally open to letting women in my life because of you. I was able to change my thoughts of all women being horrible because of you. You are changing me for the better. But the second you just pulled away from me like that, I reverted back to my old way of thinking. My mind closed off to the point where I was even relating YOU to my mother. And I don't want to do that because you're not her. You're not like her."

"I'm so sorry, Peeta. It won't happen again. I swear."

"I love you Katniss."

She never answers me. She just kisses me and smiles. That will just have to be enough.

**I hope you enjoyed it! **


	7. Lost in a Never Ending Nightmare

**Author: I'm not going to argue with people over the point of my story when they don't bother to read it. Enough said. Yes, there is incest between Peeta and his mother, but that is not Peeta's choice. He doesn't wish for it. NO, there is not incest between Katniss and Peeta, as they are not related, don't think of each other as siblings, have only lived together for a few months, and are almost 18. Old enough to move out and start their own lives that have nothing to do with the fact their parents re-married each other. This will be the last time I address it. Warning: This chapter is rated M for rape and minor self harm. **

**I do not own the Hunger Games. **

Chapter seven

_The night was something that should be filled with relief. After a long day of the bakery, followed by school, followed by the bakery again, my thirteen year old bones were tired. But the night brought the un-known. It brought worse things than I could ever imagine in the day light. My father is gone for the week. This is only night one. Perhaps she might spare me this one night. This one night of peace. _

_I stare out the window and bask in the moonlight. I would give to leave here, to thrive somewhere as beautiful as the moon. The moon felt constant and safe. After every night of torture that I endure, the moon is always there. It's always there to listen if I need to talk, to shine light on my dark night. My dark soul._

_The door gives a steady creak. It's time. I pretend to sleep, hoping that she won't disturb my sleeping form. I should know that after three years of this strategy that it doesn't work. But it's the only plan I have, and it makes me feel like I can do something. She slaps me "awake" like always. The sting forces me to cry out and she duck tapes my mouth as she always does, but not before forcing me to swallow that tiny pill. _

_She slowly removes my clothing as I cry. Her hand traces down my neck, pinches my nipples, and then slowly comes to rest on my thigh. She rubs circles with her thumb and moans lightly to herself. God how she disgusts me. She slowly brings her hand to cup my balls and massages them. I cringe in fear. Her other hand is stroking herself under her night dress. Soon she's stroking my dick up and down. Occasionally stroking the tip. Then she does something she's never done before, she takes me into her mouth. _

_I yell into the duck tape and try to force her off of me with my hands, but she grabs the first thing in her reach, which is an alarm clock, and smashes me on the head with it. _

_"You will appreciate what I'm doing for you. No other girl will probably ever do this to you Peeta, as you are a hideous disgrace for a person, let alone a male. Nobody will ever want to touch you, and most certainly won't let you touch them. You will take this favor from me, and enjoy it." She finishes with another blow to my already blackening eye. _

_I start to heave in a panic attack as she removes her night dress and places one of my hands on her breast, and moves the other to wetness. I throw up in my mouth and am forced to swallow it back down as it can not be released from my mouth due to the duck tape. _

_"Stroke it. Or I go to your brothers." She tells me when my fingers don't move as she wants them to between her legs. I panic at the thought of her doing this to them. I have to protect them in anyway that I can. This is something they should never have to do. I stroke and try to hold back my tears. _

_Soon, she get's on top of me and begins to ride me. The noises that she makes in the back of her throat make me retch in my mouth once more, and I nearly choke on it. _

_When she's done, and has left the room, I remove the duck tape and run to the bathroom. I empty myself of anything I have left in my stomach and sit on the cold floor. I curl up into a ball and shake. I scratch at my skin, trying to bring myself back from my panic attack..._

_"Peeta!" I hear. Who is calling to me? I walk back into my room and look through the window up at the silvery moon. _

_"PEETA!" It yells again. Is the moon calling to me? I yell back at it. No words, I just find myself yelling. _

_"PEETA! YOU NEED TO WAKE UP! NOT REAL! NOT REAL!" What does that mean..._

"NOT REAL!" She screams as I wake.

I'm jolted awake and stare into those grey eyes. They remind me of the moon. My moonlight.

"Katniss..." I start, looking around. She's crying.

"You were having a nightmare, and I couldn't seem to wake you. I-I was trying. I kept trying Peeta! I did! It wasn't real, you're okay now." She looks down at my arms. "Peeta! You're arms! They're inflamed and bleeding!"

I glance down at my arms and notice that I started forcefully scratching at them in my sleep. Something I haven't done since I was a young child when my mother left me for the night. That's when I know that what she is telling me about nightmare isn't true. She keeps telling me it wasn't real.

But it was real. A distant memory that lives with me. That haunts me to my core. I shudder and run into the bathroom. This time I really do retch out my stomachs contents. Katniss is at my side, stroking my back and whispering soothing words to me. I glance up at her with tears in my eyes. The memory coming back into my mind, even as I'm awake. Suddenly Katniss isn't Katniss anymore. But the shape of her face morphs into my mother, and her calming touch on my lower back suddenly burns. I'm on fire.

"Get away from me!" I yell at her. "Go! Leave! I don't want to do this tonight! Please!" I cry.

"Peeta, what are you-"

"Please mommy, please. I'll be good I swear. Just let me sleep tonight. Please just let me sleep." I say through my tears. My mother stares back at me with those harsh eyes. Her face just contorts and I swear I hear her laugh. I swear it.

_"Like anyone would ever want you." _Katniss's mouth moves, but my mothers words come out. _"You're nothing." _

"You're wrong! I can be loved! I am loved!"

"Of course you are Peeta! I lov-" Katniss's words are cut short, my mother inturrupts. _"You're a waste of space Peeta. When are you going to realize what a mistake it was for me to have brought you into this world. I should have aborted you when I had the chance."_

"You don't mean that." I whisper to my mother.

"Of course I do." Katniss tells me, thinking I mean something else.

But her answer confuses me. I suddenly can't tell the difference between her or my mother. Maybe Katniss has really been saying these things to me the whole time. _No Peeta! _I tell myself. _Not real, not real, not r-_

_"Of course it's real, you idiot." _My mother tells me. I seethe with anger.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I HATE YOU! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

I feel a touch on my shoulder. I grab the hand and pull the body it's attached to close to me.

"DON'T EVER TOUCH ME!" I scream into their face and I push them into a wall with all the force I can muster. They scream. I cut it off with another harsh blow to the wall.

My mothers face vanishes.

Only Katniss is here.

And she's lying on the floor unconscious.

What have I done?

**Uh-oh. Peeta got lost in an episode! How will Katniss react? Review! **


	8. Unconscious

**Author Note: I AM SO SORRY! I can't apologize enough to you guys for taking so long to update. I can explain. My computer had broken a few weeks back and we had to get it fixed. By the time that was done my family was in the process of getting new floors, so all our furniture was put away. This includes the desk that my computer sits on. (No, I don't own a laptop. Desktop is all I have!) So, I had to wait for the floors to be finished for the desk to be set back up, and then my computer to be set back up. Then once that was all finished I had to catch up on my virtual school because I was already behind. I also had band camp up at my school for two weeks, and UGH my life was so hectic. But here I am. I'm back. Now, without further a due, the next chapter.  
**

**I do not own the Hunger Games. **

Chapter 8

Nobody will allow me to see Katniss. Lily won't even look me in the eyes. Prim refuses to leave Katniss's bedside. My dad is trying to keep Lily calm. And Rye is trying to distract me from the situation I have put us all in.

"Dude, do you think I could get that nurse over there in bed with me?" Rye says pointing to nurse with straight blonde hair, bright blue yes, and boobs that scream plastic surgery.

"You mean nurse Glimmer? Yeah, she flirts with every guy that walks through the door." I roll my eyes when he winks at her.

"I bet she would be good in bed."

"Well I'm sure she has plenty of experience." I state matter-of-factly.

**"**That's hot." Rye swoons.

"That's slutty." I retort looking at him in disgust.

"I can't be to picky you know? A good lay is a good lay."

"Listen, Rye, not to put a damper on your conquest fantasies, but I really don't want to be having this discussion when our step-sister is lying in a hospital bed because I put her there."

"I know man. I just want you to stop thinking about it." He says with sad eyes.

"Stop thinking about it? STOP THINKING ABOUT IT? I PUT HER THERE RYE! I SHOVED HER INTO A WALL, NOT ONCE, TWICE! TWICE!" I scream at him.

"Peeta, calm down-"

"CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN! HOW CAN I CALM DOWN?" Everyone in the waiting area is staring at us now.

Rye just stares at me blankly, then he drags me by arm down the hall. He finds an empty hallway and stops in his tracks.

"Look," He begins. "I understand that you feel responsible. Hell, I understand that you ARE responsible for why Katniss is sitting in that hospital room unconscious. But you didn't do this knowingly. You didn't do this on purpose. You didn't do this because you hate Katniss. You didn't do this because you're a horrible person. You did this because of our mother. You did this because you're messed up. You did this because SHE messed you up. Do you understand that? In my heart I believe that when Katniss wakes up, because she WILL wake up, that she won't blame you. She won't be angry at you. Katniss will forgive you. You know why? Because she loves you and she understands. She may take awhile to warm up to the idea of being alone with you, because lets face it, you rammed her into a wall with all the strength you could muster. Twice. But you need to stop beating yourself up over this and calm the hell down. You're not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by losing it again. Do you understand me?"

Rye's eyes bore into me. Challenging me to tell him anything he said was wrong.

"I understand." I say, defeated.

"Do you want to see Katniss?" He asks me.

My eyes dart up to his.

"Lily told me that I wasn't allowed within ten feet of her room."

"Lily's just in shock. She doesn't know what she's saying. And what she doesn't know won't kill her."

Rye continues to drag me to Katniss's room. When I approach it I can see Prim holding her hand, crying.

"Prim?" Rye calls to her.

She looks up with puffy eyes.

"Hey Rye; Peeta." Her eyes show nothing but warmth for me. She doesn't hate me. Of course; Prim couldn't hate a serial killer.

"Can Peeta have a few minutes alone with Katniss?" Rye asks her.

I look up to him panicked. How can he trust me alone with her right now? How can Prim trust me alone with her right now?

"Of course."

Prim get's up and walks over to me. She holds her hand up for a moment. Her sign to me that she's about to touch me. She started to do this when she learned as long as I'm aware I'm about to be touched, I can make my mind calm and ready. I nod slightly to tell her it's okay, and she get's on her tippy-toes to place a hand on my cheek. I look into her eyes, to see any sort of hatred in them. There is nothing.

"I forgive you." She says simply, and they both walk about of the room.

I don't understand how she could forgive me for what I've done. I don't deserve it. I look over at Katniss and hate myself more than I already do. She looks so helpless. Her body is lying on a hospital bed, and she has all sorts of wires and tubes all over her. Her arm is in a sling because I apparently dislocated her shoulder and fractured her collar bone.

I'm a monster. There is no other way to describe me. I'm a monster who has harmed the only women I've ever been able to love. The only women who I've ever been able to trust. The only women who was making me better. I snapped at her and nearly killed her.

How can I live with myself knowing what I've done? What if she never wakes up? What if I somehow put her into a never ending comma. It could happen.

I go and sit where Prim was not to long ago. I grab her hand and press my lips to her knuckles.

"I'm so sorry Katniss." I feel tears now freely flowing from eyes.

"I don't know what happened. It was just as if I had no control over my own mind. Like it wasn't really me. I was inside my body aware of what was happening but I was to helpless to stop my mind from controlling me. To helpless to stop my nightmares from becoming me. Does that make any sense?"

Her body remains still.

"I'll understand if you never forgive me. In fact I encourage you to stay away from me if you ever wake up. I'll always love you, I can promise you that. You won't hurt me if you leave me, I'll understand. I'm to dangerous. I could kill you. I almost did kill you, and if you died... that would be it for me Katniss. Any sense of a will to live will have vanished from me. I can't go on without you breathing. You breathing is like a drug to me. I need you to keep breathing. I need your heart to keep beating. Please Katniss. Just wake up. Please wake up."

I can't speak anymore. The tears are coming down so hard. I rest my head in her lap and just cry. I cry for her. I cry for what I've done. I cry for myself. I cry for who I've become. I cry in fear of what I'm capable of. I cry for the what if. I just cry.

I feel something squeeze my hand. I glance done at it, and then back up to her face.

And gray meets blue.

**I'm so sorry for making you all wait. Please don't hate me! I promise you won't have to wait as long for the next one! **


End file.
